jake slips, tumbls.

my name is jake.
this is my tumblr.

: how/where can i find a woman like that?

thequotelist:

Subj: rick springfield 11:36 AM (4 hours ago)

Jacob
to me, Alison

just now realizing that rick spends a lot of time in springfield and there has to be some kind of rick springfield joke here but i can’t see it!

Carly
to Jacob, Alison

i trust you’ll keep trying.

Jacob
to me, Alison

i think i’ll just tell him next time i see that his new nickname is rick springfield and then play jesse’s girl every time he walks into the room until he fires and/or kills me.

a joke

i like to call this one “froggy gets a loan.”  it’s the poignant tale of a young frog trying to make it out there on his own.  he decided he’d had enough of his lillypad living and wanted a real house of his own.  so he went to the bank to get a mortgage.  when he got to there, he sat down with the loan officer, a certain mr. paddywhack.  [stage directions will be in brackets]
[froggy sits down at paddywhack’s desk.]  FROGGY: “i’d like a loan to buy my very own house!” 
PADDYWHACK [IN DOUR, DISAPPROVING TONE]: “YOU need a loan?  you’re a frog!  this is highly unusual!  do you have anything for collateral?”
FROGGY [WITH SLIGHT DOUBT IN HIS VOICE]: “collateral? well, no not really.  i mean, all i have in the whole wide world is this little white elephant.” 
[froggy pulls a white china elephant out of his pocket.]
PADDYWHACK: “what IS that?  i’ve never seen something like that before!  this is the strangest loan application i’ve ever been a part of!  you’ll have to do better than that before i can approve you, considering all your other circumstances.”
FROGGY: “well, my dad is mick jagger.  does that help at all?”
PADDYWHACK [NOW VERY FLUSTERED]: “YOUR FATHER IS M—WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?  THAT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE! i’m going to have to call my boss over here.”
[paddywhack calls the boss over.]
BOSS: “alright, paddywhack, what seems to be the problem here?!?”
PADDYWHACK: “boss, this FROG came in here asking for a loan.  he says his dad is mick jagger, for crying out loud.  i don’t know what to tell him.  i mean, this is the strangest case i’ve ever handled.  and top it all off, all he has for collateral is this little white elephant, and i have no idea what it even is!”
[boss looks at paddywhack, looks at the elephant, looks back at paddywhack] BOSS: “it’s a knick-knack, paddywhack!  give the frog a loan.  his old man’s a rolling stone!”
FIN.

Medill DC: Subcommittee discusses Clean Air Act

medilldc:

WASHINGTON — Seven representatives from state and local environmental protection agencies stressed the need for cooperation with federal regulators during a House subcommittee hearing Thursday.

Panelists discussed what changes they’d like to see in the Clean Air Act—first passed in 1970 and…

Medill DC: Democrats welcome most-diverse House caucus ever

medilldc:

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi welcomes diverse Democratic caucus

WASHINGTON—House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee Chairman Steve Israel welcomed new House Democrats Tuesday and celebrated the most-diverse caucus “in the history of civilized government.”

Pelosi and Israel were crowded onstage at a Capitol…